The Vice Chancelor looks forward to welcoming staff and students back to campus

I am standing here today

In front of the Domminic Cummings Building

Ever so pleased to be looking forward to

Welcoming staff and students

Back to campus for the coming term

.

I want to pay tribute to our amazing staff

Who have worked so very hard over the last four months

To move teaching online

Despite our best efforts

To undermine them at every step

.

I would like to express particular gratitude

To my colleagues who have been working so hard

To reopen campus

Who have been able to overcome their moral inhibitions

Who have not let themselves be held back by decency or common sense

Who have sufficiently emancipated themselves from reality

That they are can maintain plausible deniability

For the mass murder we are about to commit

Who understand the importance of face to face teaching

And the income generated by student housing

Which is truly critically vitally important

Unlike the lives of those we are willing to sacrifice

.

I assure you that we have done our utmost

To make students fee we have taken the right steps

To make them feel safer to show

That we are minimising risk (as much as we reasonably can)

Through social distancing (where possible)

And face coverings (which I am sure students will also wear to the pub)

.

We would like to remind students and staff to wear their branded face coverings

As they provide excellent marketing opportunities

As do the branded coffins we will be making available

To staff and students as well as their families and members of the wider community

When demand for them starts rising next month

.

Let me emphasize again how happy I am that we are able to reopen campus

Because universities are communities and as a community

We will balance

How many people we are willing to kill

With the importance of community

And the income it produces

.

I look forward to welcoming back our staff and our students

And the excitement of teaching

And of finding out which members of our community will still be alive

For exams

Grace Krause, Cardiff 16.09.2020

Follow me on twitter at @TheGraceK